vanilla pops and banana skies

Saturday, August 12, 2006

8:30 PM

up? or down?

Why do I go out of my way to to be less guillible, to learn faster, to gain more exposure, to be more worldy, to grow up? When in the end everyone has to grow up, and so many struggle against the quicksand of age? It's funny really, that while everyone's eagerly making decisions to prepare themselves for the future, they neglect what they have, just being young.

And just like every other time, we only realise what we have missed when the show has moved on and we can no longer rewind.

I can think of no other word to descibe entering the flow of growing up than, swallow.

Why is it, that when you grow up, you lose so many endearing qualities - innocence, trust, faith, simple love - but still people choose to trust adults? Adults who cheat, who lie, who hide black hearts - once blank canvas paper, stained and dog-eared.

I'm being as incoherent as ever but -
sometimes I really wonder if I'm just being really selfish - because whether it's because of scholarship opportunities, or to make me learn to stop STOP! taking things for granted - it's all about me. But then again I shouldn't kid myself that I make such a big difference in people's lives, should I?

I've never been this confused before - so much that it carries on till after the decision has been made!

I really hate being fickle-minded you know! :(

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