Sunday, July 30, 2006
11:27 PM
last training, tomorrow.
last training, tomorrow.
Well, the title says it all! But somehow it doesn't seem so important and big and all-encompassing when it's down on paper - or in type, for that matter.
Simply because, this time, it's our last last training. In a way, the previous 'last training's were effectively incorrect, because there was always a next 'first training'.
But this time, there won't be any more.
Time really flies, doesn't it? First missing being a Part A, where you are always forgiven for being the youngest in the company, then a Part B, honeymooning, then a Part C, then a part, then being in RGSNCC altogether.
The vastness of everything only occurs to you when you're just about to step down! And then I've realised how I've been taking everything for granted - that we'd have unlimited time with our NCOs, with our part, with our platmates.
Ah, but I shall leave my soppy thoughts for ORD! (:
Our true last last training! I suppose it would be better if we didn't have any expectations?
Simply because, this time, it's our last last training. In a way, the previous 'last training's were effectively incorrect, because there was always a next 'first training'.
But this time, there won't be any more.
Time really flies, doesn't it? First missing being a Part A, where you are always forgiven for being the youngest in the company, then a Part B, honeymooning, then a Part C, then a part, then being in RGSNCC altogether.
The vastness of everything only occurs to you when you're just about to step down! And then I've realised how I've been taking everything for granted - that we'd have unlimited time with our NCOs, with our part, with our platmates.
Ah, but I shall leave my soppy thoughts for ORD! (:
Our true last last training! I suppose it would be better if we didn't have any expectations?
Vanilla Banana!
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Saturday, July 29, 2006
11:16 PM
heady! and blueblack-ed fingers :(
heady! and blueblack-ed fingers :(
Heady do you remember heady?
I'm not very good with words I think, I think, I think I'm shy! :/ But I just felt like saying,
I LOVE PARTAAAAAS A LOT A LOT xeternity
:D
it's okay even if our fingers turn blue-black from all that twisting and wiring, just hope they'll like the present haha! :D
it's the thought that counts, right!
I'm not very good with words I think, I think, I think I'm shy! :/ But I just felt like saying,
I LOVE PARTAAAAAS A LOT A LOT xeternity
:D
it's okay even if our fingers turn blue-black from all that twisting and wiring, just hope they'll like the present haha! :D
it's the thought that counts, right!
Vanilla Banana!
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Friday, July 28, 2006
11:17 PM
wham-
wham-
It's been so long since I was last at the doctor's, I can barely remember what it's like to be really sick. I suppose it's fair then - it's time the sickness bug came knocking. Losing your voice and breath periodically isn't very healthy, I think. But somehow I can't seem to fall sick enough to justify an MC, so I will just have to remain long-suffering and self-piteous, haha!
And the worst thing is, I now know the true meaning of double whammy - triple, quadruple even. Quintuple! (or however you spell it) There's a distasteful, clogged, queasy feeling all over - in my throat, in my head, in my heart.
And it's at a time when everything is turning topsy-turvy.
In 8 days we'll be stepping down. But the soup seems to have just chosen to start boiling.
Escapism isn't a solution; to fly, we have to have resistance. It's at a time like this when you have to summarise everything you know about life,
It goes on.
And the worst thing is, I now know the true meaning of double whammy - triple, quadruple even. Quintuple! (or however you spell it) There's a distasteful, clogged, queasy feeling all over - in my throat, in my head, in my heart.
And it's at a time when everything is turning topsy-turvy.
In 8 days we'll be stepping down. But the soup seems to have just chosen to start boiling.
Escapism isn't a solution; to fly, we have to have resistance. It's at a time like this when you have to summarise everything you know about life,
It goes on.
Vanilla Banana!
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006
11:19 PM
childish maturity?
childish maturity?
Don't people always say, age desensitizes, age matures and age censors. Funny thing is, the older I grow, the more I seem to take to soppy things! :X
Fairytales and cheesy endings and being romantic and roses and heart-shaped chocolates and candlelit dinners and fireworks and fountains and the eiffel tower all seem to take on different meanings now! I still remember when I would stare for long hours at idol drama screeshots only to burst out laughing at how a mushy line fell flat like roti prata. I'm still skeptical, sometimes, but it's a treat to just indulge in and believe in the unbelievable once in a while!
Or maybe it's the influence of the people around me haha! But sometimes I just feel so blissful and loved - the sky's a perpetual blue that smiles and the air just seems so fresh and, happy! There'll be a little skip to my walk, I'll smile to myself subconsciously, helplessly, and people will give me funny glances along the corridors but I don't care because I'm happy! :D Or I'll just stand awkwardly, weight on one foot, drawing circles on the floor with my other toe. Eyes cast down, seemingly calmly, while thoughts are running haphazardly up down right left zig-zag through my head. Or maybe there's nothing in my head at all, just lots of heady air! It must be pink and fluffy, that air. Heady!
Yes I'm sorry that this post has no coherence whatsoever but it's YOUR FAULT for making me heady! HAHA and so I shall dedicate this post for ALL OF YOU WHO MAKE ME HEADY! Platmates and partAAAAbcs and fourteeners 2A2B and rgUGlies and YMEP and everything and everything and everything all over again! :D
See, pink and fluffy - that's you!
yuhui!
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Fairytales and cheesy endings and being romantic and roses and heart-shaped chocolates and candlelit dinners and fireworks and fountains and the eiffel tower all seem to take on different meanings now! I still remember when I would stare for long hours at idol drama screeshots only to burst out laughing at how a mushy line fell flat like roti prata. I'm still skeptical, sometimes, but it's a treat to just indulge in and believe in the unbelievable once in a while!
Or maybe it's the influence of the people around me haha! But sometimes I just feel so blissful and loved - the sky's a perpetual blue that smiles and the air just seems so fresh and, happy! There'll be a little skip to my walk, I'll smile to myself subconsciously, helplessly, and people will give me funny glances along the corridors but I don't care because I'm happy! :D Or I'll just stand awkwardly, weight on one foot, drawing circles on the floor with my other toe. Eyes cast down, seemingly calmly, while thoughts are running haphazardly up down right left zig-zag through my head. Or maybe there's nothing in my head at all, just lots of heady air! It must be pink and fluffy, that air. Heady!
Yes I'm sorry that this post has no coherence whatsoever but it's YOUR FAULT for making me heady! HAHA and so I shall dedicate this post for ALL OF YOU WHO MAKE ME HEADY! Platmates and partAAAAbcs and fourteeners 2A2B and rgUGlies and YMEP and everything and everything and everything all over again! :D
See, pink and fluffy - that's you!
Vanilla Banana!
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Friday, July 21, 2006
10:44 PM
stranger stranger on the wall!
stranger stranger on the wall!
To you, to myself, to everyone, I admit, that I've been talking about the minutest, least expected things - just for the sake of talking - to just about everyone I see! I'm sorry if I've been bothering you by talking too much, or if I'm scaring you by being super-friendly all of a sudden.
If you don't see no difference, then, well, praise be! :D
But let me explain.
I don't know which day it happened, but there I was, and there suddenly I felt this inexplicable sense of urgency, like an unexpected thunderstorm - no, more of that annoying rain that's half-there and half-not, but tickles you queasy all the same, and puddles in your head to leave you just as bewildered and frustrated as ever.
It suddenly occured to me, how, when I looked around the room, I saw so many potential strangers. Then I just felt like walking around the room and patting everyone on the head. And well I did, and at that moment, I made my decision.
Everything only occurs to me when there's almost no time to rectify - I don't have much time, but here I am, trying to play a superhero and turning every friend into a confidant overnight. My slogan would be I friend you! and I will be special because I choose to wear my underwear on the inside of my costume.
Joey said something during ytd's GM, and it's been floating around in my mind like a ghost or something, insubstantial but very important when it appears. It was like this, to some extent,
"I have learnt from being a leader that, before you expect others to open up to you, to share their problems and vulnerabilities (so you can solve them together), you have to open up first, and make yourself vulnerable, first."
And it shook me quite badly, because I realised how true it was, and how terribly it ran against my prevalent and fundamental understanding of being strong. It was so simple, so obvious, but somehow I never got the message. Perhaps forever trying so hard not to cry, to show any sign of emotion or to be the one with the perpetual smile isn't the solution to being the pillar of strength - instead of turning to you because you're the only one not crying, people turn away because they think you don't understand.
I promise, I would cry with you if you wanted me to.
You may not believe me, and you may have always thought otherwise, but really, I treasure, remember and think about everything everyone says. I don't know, and possibly will never know, whether others said what they said in a moment of spite, of anger, of carelessness, of sloth or apathy, but I know that it mattered and matters to me. Blame it on my self-consciousness if you wish (Funny really, because I know I'm self-conscious, and so do people close to me, but all along I have tried to pretend I was/am not.)
I don't know if this counts as an emotional dilemna, or an angsty struggle to find who I really am, but I'm clear of my sincerity to make you a true friend. :)
I'm just really afraid that I will leave RGS as a stranger, and be forgotten the next day as the girl who barely spoke to you, and never ever made an impact in your life.
I don't know why I'm so afraid!
If you don't see no difference, then, well, praise be! :D
But let me explain.
I don't know which day it happened, but there I was, and there suddenly I felt this inexplicable sense of urgency, like an unexpected thunderstorm - no, more of that annoying rain that's half-there and half-not, but tickles you queasy all the same, and puddles in your head to leave you just as bewildered and frustrated as ever.
It suddenly occured to me, how, when I looked around the room, I saw so many potential strangers. Then I just felt like walking around the room and patting everyone on the head. And well I did, and at that moment, I made my decision.
Everything only occurs to me when there's almost no time to rectify - I don't have much time, but here I am, trying to play a superhero and turning every friend into a confidant overnight. My slogan would be I friend you! and I will be special because I choose to wear my underwear on the inside of my costume.
Joey said something during ytd's GM, and it's been floating around in my mind like a ghost or something, insubstantial but very important when it appears. It was like this, to some extent,
"I have learnt from being a leader that, before you expect others to open up to you, to share their problems and vulnerabilities (so you can solve them together), you have to open up first, and make yourself vulnerable, first."
And it shook me quite badly, because I realised how true it was, and how terribly it ran against my prevalent and fundamental understanding of being strong. It was so simple, so obvious, but somehow I never got the message. Perhaps forever trying so hard not to cry, to show any sign of emotion or to be the one with the perpetual smile isn't the solution to being the pillar of strength - instead of turning to you because you're the only one not crying, people turn away because they think you don't understand.
I promise, I would cry with you if you wanted me to.
You may not believe me, and you may have always thought otherwise, but really, I treasure, remember and think about everything everyone says. I don't know, and possibly will never know, whether others said what they said in a moment of spite, of anger, of carelessness, of sloth or apathy, but I know that it mattered and matters to me. Blame it on my self-consciousness if you wish (Funny really, because I know I'm self-conscious, and so do people close to me, but all along I have tried to pretend I was/am not.)
I don't know if this counts as an emotional dilemna, or an angsty struggle to find who I really am, but I'm clear of my sincerity to make you a true friend. :)
I'm just really afraid that I will leave RGS as a stranger, and be forgotten the next day as the girl who barely spoke to you, and never ever made an impact in your life.
I don't know why I'm so afraid!
Vanilla Banana!
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Monday, July 17, 2006
10:40 PM
my day of laughter II
my day of laughter II
The next morning, I woke up and immediately regretted staying up - having to face the first day of the week with telltale eyebags and a heavy head. Even before school started, Yi-Jun told me "You look really tired", and I thought, today would be just another boring day.
BUT THEN I decided to ask Jolyn about our "combined birthday party" and somehow along the way, we managed to loop Tom (fellow august baby!) in and spent a quarter of math laughing convulsedly at the most ridiculous party ideas ever. At some point of time we were delighted with the theme of "Sunshine" and the colour code of yellow and orange. Yellow and orange costumes, yellow and orange games, yellow and orange food - briyani and pineapple rice and orange jelly and sunny-side-ups! :D
Another theme we considered was "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", us being the three bears, and with a constant free-flow of porridge.
In the end everyone concluded that we would have a total of 3 people at our party. Jolyn would bring Tom and I; Tom'd bring Jolyn and I; I'd bring Tom and Jolyn, and together we would sit around a big cake and sing ourselves birthday songs.
I thought that was really funny, haha!
And then we had the funniest philosophy lesson ever, laughing at the eternally beautiful AJ and donkey's and jacq the duck's ingenious comments. I don’t know what happened after Mr Lau left, except that I suddenly found myself next to Yi-Jun, pulling on the door handle with all my might, defending against I-have-no-idea-what, while Pok and Jacq frantically tugged at the other door, and Yi-Jun screamed hysterically in my ear.
A little while later I realized what they were all seemingly terrified of.
IT WAS AN AJ! AHHHHH!
The next thing I remember, we were all collapsing on the floor, ailed by laughter. My sides hurt for the whole block after that, and I had to try my best not to laugh when Jolyn went through the party ideas we came up with during philo, with Tom.
It’s quite incredulous really, that sometime during philosophy, we considered being party planners for life.
But I’M SUPER EXCITED LA! I wonder what our first combined birthday party will be like! :D
And then in the afternoon there was training. We were quite disappointed at first, but when we finally settled down to talk, what with Sashimi and Part As around, we couldn’t keep a straight face for long. Today we talked ABOUT our Part As! :D Love them to bits!
Meanwhile, Part Bs were modeling in the background, so while we waited for Part As to mull over our questions, we could laugh at SN’s reactions to her Part Bs’ expert modeling. Haha! I thought JUMPING SUPERHEROES was super cute, we should try it on the whole company during last training!
Since when did Shu Ning become a superhero?
Goodness, what is the world coming to?
HAHA and so concludes my day of LAUGHTER! :D I'm sure I'm much healthier after today, thanks to everyone who contributed to a smile on my face. And all the while, I simply hoped that I'd make you laugh by sharing what made me laugh.
SPREAD THE LOVE!
BUT THEN I decided to ask Jolyn about our "combined birthday party" and somehow along the way, we managed to loop Tom (fellow august baby!) in and spent a quarter of math laughing convulsedly at the most ridiculous party ideas ever. At some point of time we were delighted with the theme of "Sunshine" and the colour code of yellow and orange. Yellow and orange costumes, yellow and orange games, yellow and orange food - briyani and pineapple rice and orange jelly and sunny-side-ups! :D
Another theme we considered was "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", us being the three bears, and with a constant free-flow of porridge.
In the end everyone concluded that we would have a total of 3 people at our party. Jolyn would bring Tom and I; Tom'd bring Jolyn and I; I'd bring Tom and Jolyn, and together we would sit around a big cake and sing ourselves birthday songs.
I thought that was really funny, haha!
And then we had the funniest philosophy lesson ever, laughing at the eternally beautiful AJ and donkey's and jacq the duck's ingenious comments. I don’t know what happened after Mr Lau left, except that I suddenly found myself next to Yi-Jun, pulling on the door handle with all my might, defending against I-have-no-idea-what, while Pok and Jacq frantically tugged at the other door, and Yi-Jun screamed hysterically in my ear.
A little while later I realized what they were all seemingly terrified of.
IT WAS AN AJ! AHHHHH!
The next thing I remember, we were all collapsing on the floor, ailed by laughter. My sides hurt for the whole block after that, and I had to try my best not to laugh when Jolyn went through the party ideas we came up with during philo, with Tom.
It’s quite incredulous really, that sometime during philosophy, we considered being party planners for life.
But I’M SUPER EXCITED LA! I wonder what our first combined birthday party will be like! :D
And then in the afternoon there was training. We were quite disappointed at first, but when we finally settled down to talk, what with Sashimi and Part As around, we couldn’t keep a straight face for long. Today we talked ABOUT our Part As! :D Love them to bits!
Meanwhile, Part Bs were modeling in the background, so while we waited for Part As to mull over our questions, we could laugh at SN’s reactions to her Part Bs’ expert modeling. Haha! I thought JUMPING SUPERHEROES was super cute, we should try it on the whole company during last training!
Since when did Shu Ning become a superhero?
Goodness, what is the world coming to?
HAHA and so concludes my day of LAUGHTER! :D I'm sure I'm much healthier after today, thanks to everyone who contributed to a smile on my face. And all the while, I simply hoped that I'd make you laugh by sharing what made me laugh.
SPREAD THE LOVE!
Vanilla Banana!
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9:38 PM
my day of laugher I
my day of laugher I
I've been laughing so much today I nearly got face cramps; since the clock struck 12am this morning, there has been a neverending stream of funny-things!
First it was the ridiculous msn conversations with vaneh and tom. I was ready to sleep at 2330h, but spent the next one hour oogling at my luminiscent computer screen and bursting into periodical fits of laughter. Somehow I managed, all the while trying to stifle the sounds so I wouldn't scare anyone pottering around the house.
You see, my recent infatuation is with whistling. I am now determined to be able to whistle a tune by the end of the year, or asap. Advertisement in the form of my msn personal message drew me a personal shifu called Vaneh, who kindly taught me the formula of whistling.
I can't say I'm a very able disciple, though. As of now, my skills are limited to making a sound that sounds like an aeroplane toilet flushing.
- antisepti: u try sticking ur tongue against ur lower set of teeth
- antisepti: shape ur lips to a rounded shape
- antisepti: then blow
yuhui- : that's what i'm doing to make the flushing sound
- antisepti: AHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Isn't there some unwritten rule that teachers must never laugh at their pupils?
And here it is, the well-kept secret to whistling that you have all been waiting for:
- antisepti: keep ur tongue there!
- antisepti: maybe u have to get ur lips to go down
- antisepti: "go down"
- antisepti: as in make urself look like an ape
- antisepti: and blow ur air fast and hard
- antisepti: PUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
- antisepti: make the opening of ur mouth smaller if the need arises
So there I was, at 12am, face lit up with the light emanating from the computer screen, looking like something that just stepped out of Ju-On, and I'm just staring at the computer trying to imitate an ape and laughing when I make shrill notes.
In response to the shifu's advice, I sprouted the most intelligent thing that occured to me at that moment.
yuhui- : AHAHAHAHHA
yuhui- : I CANT WHISTLE LA I'M LAUGHING TOO HARD
- antisepti: LOL
Of course, being the responsible shifu she was, she decided to modify the method to suit her disciple's needs...
- antisepti: got another method
- antisepti: u know when u gurgle?
- antisepti: do the same sound but make ur mouth smaller
...only to admit defeat to the incapability of this very student,
- antisepti: the next time i see u then teach u la
- antisepti: u need extra attn (x
who has continuously been offering astounding revelations and the wittiest retorts such as,
yuhui- : AHAHAHAHAHHA
yuhui- : OH NO MY MUMMY ALWAYS SAYS YOU SHOULDN'T LAUGH TOO MUCH AT NIGHT BECAUSE YOU WONT BE ABLE TO SLEEP PROPERLY
yuhui- : AHAHAHHAHA
yuhui- : AHAHAHAH THE GURGLING ONE IS EVEN FUNNIER
yuhui- : I TRIED IT
yuhui- : AHAHAHAA
but the vaneh in her had to surface, and to my horror, MY SHIFU HAD BEEN BLUFFING ME!
- antisepti: LOL
- antisepti: relax
- antisepti: ur damn funny la
yuhui- : i'm just doing what you told me o.O
- antisepti: haha the gurgle one was rubbish
- antisepti: it doesnt work
But there I was, continuing to delude myself.
yuhui- : well if i blow fast and hard i make an EVEN LOUDER flushing sound :D
yuhui- : is that an improvement?
Her response,
- antisepti: hahahahahahahhaahhah
Before I went to bed, she left me with an awe-inspiring statement, (fine, two statements)
- antisepti: actually whistling is a skill that can be mastered
- antisepti: nobody is born to be able to whistle
And so goes the last words of the world's reowned whistling shifu, Vanessa Liu.
There's more about the coolest, latest slang i.e. the Breaking of Convention of the expression zomg to the word "zong" (pronounced the way it looks) in another conversation with Tom, but I think that this is enough yuhui-nonsense for now.
This post goes out to all whistling-aspirers! WHEN THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY.
Let's all step up on our whistling efforts, and bring music to the world!
First it was the ridiculous msn conversations with vaneh and tom. I was ready to sleep at 2330h, but spent the next one hour oogling at my luminiscent computer screen and bursting into periodical fits of laughter. Somehow I managed, all the while trying to stifle the sounds so I wouldn't scare anyone pottering around the house.
You see, my recent infatuation is with whistling. I am now determined to be able to whistle a tune by the end of the year, or asap. Advertisement in the form of my msn personal message drew me a personal shifu called Vaneh, who kindly taught me the formula of whistling.
I can't say I'm a very able disciple, though. As of now, my skills are limited to making a sound that sounds like an aeroplane toilet flushing.
- antisepti: u try sticking ur tongue against ur lower set of teeth
- antisepti: shape ur lips to a rounded shape
- antisepti: then blow
yuhui- : that's what i'm doing to make the flushing sound
- antisepti: AHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Isn't there some unwritten rule that teachers must never laugh at their pupils?
And here it is, the well-kept secret to whistling that you have all been waiting for:
- antisepti: maybe u have to get ur lips to go down
- antisepti: "go down"
- antisepti: as in make urself look like an ape
- antisepti: and blow ur air fast and hard
- antisepti: PUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
- antisepti: make the opening of ur mouth smaller if the need arises
So there I was, at 12am, face lit up with the light emanating from the computer screen, looking like something that just stepped out of Ju-On, and I'm just staring at the computer trying to imitate an ape and laughing when I make shrill notes.
In response to the shifu's advice, I sprouted the most intelligent thing that occured to me at that moment.
yuhui- : AHAHAHAHHA
yuhui- : I CANT WHISTLE LA I'M LAUGHING TOO HARD
- antisepti: LOL
Of course, being the responsible shifu she was, she decided to modify the method to suit her disciple's needs...
- antisepti: u know when u gurgle?
- antisepti: do the same sound but make ur mouth smaller
...only to admit defeat to the incapability of this very student,
- antisepti: the next time i see u then teach u la
- antisepti: u need extra attn (x
who has continuously been offering astounding revelations and the wittiest retorts such as,
yuhui- : AHAHAHAHAHHA
yuhui- : OH NO MY MUMMY ALWAYS SAYS YOU SHOULDN'T LAUGH TOO MUCH AT NIGHT BECAUSE YOU WONT BE ABLE TO SLEEP PROPERLY
yuhui- : AHAHAHHAHA
yuhui- : AHAHAHAH THE GURGLING ONE IS EVEN FUNNIER
yuhui- : I TRIED IT
yuhui- : AHAHAHAA
but the vaneh in her had to surface, and to my horror, MY SHIFU HAD BEEN BLUFFING ME!
- antisepti: LOL
- antisepti: relax
- antisepti: ur damn funny la
yuhui- : i'm just doing what you told me o.O
- antisepti: haha the gurgle one was rubbish
- antisepti: it doesnt work
But there I was, continuing to delude myself.
yuhui- : well if i blow fast and hard i make an EVEN LOUDER flushing sound :D
yuhui- : is that an improvement?
Her response,
- antisepti: hahahahahahahhaahhah
Before I went to bed, she left me with an awe-inspiring statement, (fine, two statements)
- antisepti: actually whistling is a skill that can be mastered
- antisepti: nobody is born to be able to whistle
And so goes the last words of the world's reowned whistling shifu, Vanessa Liu.
There's more about the coolest, latest slang i.e. the Breaking of Convention of the expression zomg to the word "zong" (pronounced the way it looks) in another conversation with Tom, but I think that this is enough yuhui-nonsense for now.
This post goes out to all whistling-aspirers! WHEN THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY.
Let's all step up on our whistling efforts, and bring music to the world!
Vanilla Banana!
Post a Comment
Sunday, July 16, 2006
1:15 PM
I am like an egg.
I am like an egg.
I think I'm like an egg. Hard on the outside, so that if I stand tall, puff my chest out and stick my chin high, worries and sorrows would just seemingly bounce off my tummy to the other end of the universe.
But shells are porous.
Do you think people take the happy for granted? When someone radiates cheerful waves throughout the day, people often get the impression that she has no troubles; her journey in life has always been smooth. Then they snap and her and say, you don't understand, you probably haven't been through anything like what I'm going through before. And they just want to wipe that annoying, perpetual smile off her face. You blissful idiot.
Then, won't happy people be hurt three times as much? Once for the sorrows everyone shares, twice for having to convince themselves to be happy, and thrice for being accused for being happy. Once, twice, three times over.
It must be easy to be sad, then, you must think.
The egg is soft, liquid, gooey and all confused inside. It's partly a bird, a mind, partly nutrients and food, partly just plain water. Whether it's cold or warm outside, it's just a matter of what is compromised. Whether the mind lives, or dies.
There's a lot it wants to say, but never dared to. It's a treasure chest without a lock or a key; unless you break it, it will never in its life let you in.
But in the end, maybe I'm not so much of an egg.
But shells are porous.
Do you think people take the happy for granted? When someone radiates cheerful waves throughout the day, people often get the impression that she has no troubles; her journey in life has always been smooth. Then they snap and her and say, you don't understand, you probably haven't been through anything like what I'm going through before. And they just want to wipe that annoying, perpetual smile off her face. You blissful idiot.
Then, won't happy people be hurt three times as much? Once for the sorrows everyone shares, twice for having to convince themselves to be happy, and thrice for being accused for being happy. Once, twice, three times over.
It must be easy to be sad, then, you must think.
The egg is soft, liquid, gooey and all confused inside. It's partly a bird, a mind, partly nutrients and food, partly just plain water. Whether it's cold or warm outside, it's just a matter of what is compromised. Whether the mind lives, or dies.
There's a lot it wants to say, but never dared to. It's a treasure chest without a lock or a key; unless you break it, it will never in its life let you in.
But in the end, maybe I'm not so much of an egg.
Vanilla Banana!
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Friday, July 14, 2006
10:20 PM
assassin.
assassin.
Jerry did not know how to count. One, two, three, up to nine, on his fingers, only because no one had ever taught him how to. Not that he needed to, besides, he had always been told that true men did not have to count. The first was always the worst, but then everything else was the same after that - the second, the third, the fourth, the hundredth. There was the resonating thunder of power and the heat-swollen, hole-ridden heart and everything else physical. At first he tried to keep count, but he ran out of fingers and toes and noses and anyway, true men didn't count.
It was the nature of it all. He couldn't grasp the concept of anything going past nine. In his mind, there was never a ten, because he knew only to count to nine. In a way it kept him innocent, he was forever new to the job because he was forever at nine. In a way it made him more careful and more aware, and when the hot blood stained his wrist it was only victory if he could count to nine.
Nine it was, that drew his sword, nine that sank into his skin. Nine, because of a moment of carelessness that swallowed ten into another world. Nine, because he had five fingers on his left hand, and four on this right.
True men didn't need to count. You were dead before you could finish.
It was the nature of it all. He couldn't grasp the concept of anything going past nine. In his mind, there was never a ten, because he knew only to count to nine. In a way it kept him innocent, he was forever new to the job because he was forever at nine. In a way it made him more careful and more aware, and when the hot blood stained his wrist it was only victory if he could count to nine.
Nine it was, that drew his sword, nine that sank into his skin. Nine, because of a moment of carelessness that swallowed ten into another world. Nine, because he had five fingers on his left hand, and four on this right.
True men didn't need to count. You were dead before you could finish.
Vanilla Banana!
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9:59 PM
counting.
counting.
I've been considering moving to livejournal.com but then again I'd spent a friday afternoon and many braincells and exasperated sighs on this layout so I thought I should do justice to my effort!
Hahaha I'm considering making another bold move away from familiarity, am I not (from trusty blogger who has accompanied me through my secondary school years) It's actually just because LJ has that cool thing called an LJ cut! :D
OKAY> If I go to Hwa Chong I shall use my LJ pumpkinmint if I don't I shall stay here!
Hahaha I'm considering making another bold move away from familiarity, am I not (from trusty blogger who has accompanied me through my secondary school years) It's actually just because LJ has that cool thing called an LJ cut! :D
OKAY> If I go to Hwa Chong I shall use my LJ pumpkinmint if I don't I shall stay here!
Vanilla Banana!
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1:17 AM
handmaids gahh.
handmaids gahh.
Literature test tomorrow, and I've just condensed our one term's worth of lessons into a 6h revision session! :D
After running around in circles for 10 weeks, copying off the brilliant, gift-from-heaven-to-lit-students www.sparknotes.com was very enlightening indeed.
So much for feminism and sexual revolution, I now feel that society is best when both chauvinists and feminists exist simultaneously and in (or perhaps not) harmony.
After running around in circles for 10 weeks, copying off the brilliant, gift-from-heaven-to-lit-students www.sparknotes.com was very enlightening indeed.
So much for feminism and sexual revolution, I now feel that society is best when both chauvinists and feminists exist simultaneously and in (or perhaps not) harmony.
Vanilla Banana!
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006
11:11 PM
it's right in your face, dear.
it's right in your face, dear.
It's quite alarming, really, how some people don't seem to get the obvious. Yes it's true, the majority is not always right, but haven't you ever thought, that perhaps there may be that teeny weeny reason that made people say what they said?
Before you turn around and be all defensive and protective as you always are you should think about what you've done throughout the year! And what everyone has never said, but have finally decided to, only to fall on deaf ears, again. We thought you'd be mature this time, but you disappointed us again.
We can't always let you be right, you know! Have you ever stopped tumbling down the track just once, to think about how we feel? Honestly, have you?
All we wanted to say is, it's our company too.
Before you turn around and be all defensive and protective as you always are you should think about what you've done throughout the year! And what everyone has never said, but have finally decided to, only to fall on deaf ears, again. We thought you'd be mature this time, but you disappointed us again.
We can't always let you be right, you know! Have you ever stopped tumbling down the track just once, to think about how we feel? Honestly, have you?
All we wanted to say is, it's our company too.
Vanilla Banana!
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10:21 PM
the awe inspiring story!
the awe inspiring story!
The current residing dilemna in my head: HWA CHONG or RJ! It's so terribly pressurising to force a decision out of us so early, but I suppose we must think for the school; buffer time is necessary!
It's not just about what the school can do for us, but more of what we can do for the school. It has never struck me that way before, which is why everytime I get the question, "How can you contribute to our organisation?", I feel like such a liar!
Having spent 7 years of my life in a pinafore and wearing a Raffles badge, and having spent the past 7 years of my life believing that I would, one day, wear the RJ uniform, I was quite shocked with myself when I submitted the application form for HCJC DSA. Let me tell you the whole story about it!
It couldn't have been a more ordinary day, when yuhui was happily sitting at the back of the class, as usual, watching the toilet people go to the toilet, as usual, watching the talkative people talk, as usual, watching the dilligent people do their work (wait, do these people exist in fourteen?), watching the sleepy people sleep, as usual, and well, you get the picture. All of a sudden, Llama (who sits in the centre of the universe - where I now sit) sat up and waved a form in the air and brayed something across the room to Sali. The form had a very familiar crest imprinted on the top right hand corner! I was curious, and decided that it looked more interesting than the toilet people, the talkative people etc and so I went up to take a look. To my horror, it was the complicated Hwa Chong DSA Application Form that I had Never in my life seen, heard, or touched before! And, ultimate horror of horrorness (pardon the english)! It was due on that day at 3pm!
And so, very calmly, as I watched the clock tick past 3 o'clock, I sang along to the radio in the car and later, at home, happily filled it up and submitted it the next day (late, yes) and after which, went for aftermath (elds play YAY)!
So this is the breath-stopping, hair-raising story of how I stepped out to CHANGE MY LIFE!
-pauses for dramatic effect.
One day sixty years down the road, I will sit by a(n)fireplace electric fan, before a gaggle of wide-eyed children, and tell the story of how their brave grandmother took her fate in her hands, declared war upon the dragon of pre-determination, made the boldest move of the century -
to fill up the hcjc dsa application form!
ARE YOU INSPIRED?!
Mwahahaha!
But after all that, the riddle still remains unsolved, to choose or not to choose?
It's not just about what the school can do for us, but more of what we can do for the school. It has never struck me that way before, which is why everytime I get the question, "How can you contribute to our organisation?", I feel like such a liar!
Having spent 7 years of my life in a pinafore and wearing a Raffles badge, and having spent the past 7 years of my life believing that I would, one day, wear the RJ uniform, I was quite shocked with myself when I submitted the application form for HCJC DSA. Let me tell you the whole story about it!
It couldn't have been a more ordinary day, when yuhui was happily sitting at the back of the class, as usual, watching the toilet people go to the toilet, as usual, watching the talkative people talk, as usual, watching the dilligent people do their work (wait, do these people exist in fourteen?), watching the sleepy people sleep, as usual, and well, you get the picture. All of a sudden, Llama (who sits in the centre of the universe - where I now sit) sat up and waved a form in the air and brayed something across the room to Sali. The form had a very familiar crest imprinted on the top right hand corner! I was curious, and decided that it looked more interesting than the toilet people, the talkative people etc and so I went up to take a look. To my horror, it was the complicated Hwa Chong DSA Application Form that I had Never in my life seen, heard, or touched before! And, ultimate horror of horrorness (pardon the english)! It was due on that day at 3pm!
And so, very calmly, as I watched the clock tick past 3 o'clock, I sang along to the radio in the car and later, at home, happily filled it up and submitted it the next day (late, yes) and after which, went for aftermath (elds play YAY)!
So this is the breath-stopping, hair-raising story of how I stepped out to CHANGE MY LIFE!
-pauses for dramatic effect.
One day sixty years down the road, I will sit by a(n)
to fill up the hcjc dsa application form!
ARE YOU INSPIRED?!
Mwahahaha!
But after all that, the riddle still remains unsolved, to choose or not to choose?
Vanilla Banana!
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Monday, July 10, 2006
10:08 PM
surprise, surprise!
surprise, surprise!
It's quite shocking to realise one fine day, that the life you have been living all along is quite just, well, your life. All along, I thought it was nothing to go out for lunch with your friends without telling your parents, to be able to watch youtube without a care, to debate if I should eat ice cream because of the calories and not the price. When all the while, life could be so different for the people around you.
It's evident, especially in the way people treat each other. Sometimes you can't be sure if someone's just behaving the way he would normally, because there just isn't a normal everyone can stand by.
It came as a surprise to me to realise that it's actually only a minority of Singaporeans who can speak English, because all along, about every Singaporean whose path I have crossed could speak English.
Perhaps that's why some people say I'm naive, because the world I'm living in is simply what I think the world is like, and what I choose to think about the people around me.
All the while, when I have been agonising over my workload and my sleeping time, children two streets down the road have been wondering when their next meal will be.
I feel so insensitive and self-centred!
ANYWAY, today I have achieved an impressive feat! I have memorised about every single name (including surname and middle name for some, note) in the company! (: Haha it must have taken quite some creativity on their parents' parts. Especially for the English names which have Broken the Convention!
I still can't believe that we're ORDing in 3 weeks, and we'll never be able to nag and chide our manymany part as ever again! Hope they've prepared LOTS OF NICE ORD AND LAST TRAINING PRESENTS FOR US though! :D
Somehow at the end of everything, I always look back and feel as if I hadn't done enough.
Taking my life in my own hands, isn't as trustworthy as I often think it would be.
It's evident, especially in the way people treat each other. Sometimes you can't be sure if someone's just behaving the way he would normally, because there just isn't a normal everyone can stand by.
It came as a surprise to me to realise that it's actually only a minority of Singaporeans who can speak English, because all along, about every Singaporean whose path I have crossed could speak English.
Perhaps that's why some people say I'm naive, because the world I'm living in is simply what I think the world is like, and what I choose to think about the people around me.
All the while, when I have been agonising over my workload and my sleeping time, children two streets down the road have been wondering when their next meal will be.
I feel so insensitive and self-centred!
ANYWAY, today I have achieved an impressive feat! I have memorised about every single name (including surname and middle name for some, note) in the company! (: Haha it must have taken quite some creativity on their parents' parts. Especially for the English names which have Broken the Convention!
I still can't believe that we're ORDing in 3 weeks, and we'll never be able to nag and chide our manymany part as ever again! Hope they've prepared LOTS OF NICE ORD AND LAST TRAINING PRESENTS FOR US though! :D
Somehow at the end of everything, I always look back and feel as if I hadn't done enough.
Taking my life in my own hands, isn't as trustworthy as I often think it would be.
Vanilla Banana!
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Saturday, July 08, 2006
11:18 PM
LIFE IS SIMPLE!
LIFE IS SIMPLE!
Honestly, a lot of things happen everyday, but everytime something new happens I forget the previous thing and so when I get down to blogging, I can't remember anything beyond my intention of blogging.
Gah!
Well it boils down to my newest guiding philosophy of life, that LIFE IS SIMPLE! But sometimes you meet the craziest and most impossible things that convinces you that, whoever made this world possible, definitely has more than one brain cell.
Actually yuhui does Remember! But it's somehow not in my inclination to blog about what happens daily, unless I feel odd that day. And, it has just suddenly struck me that there are inifinitely many more people in the world who can speak and write better than me, and I have no life whatsoever to speak off, so what's the point?
There are so many words in the world that I have never ever seen in my life! Do you know how entirely alarming it is to find that out one ordinary night, under the luminiscence of the table lamp and in the shadow of the visiting mosquito? VERY!
On another note, I find the aggressive scary, I think! Apparently ignoring doesn't pierce through thick skin! Perhaps boys are disillusioned that girls like aggressive boys too, hmm. No, I'm not talking about anyone I know - it's the newest chinese drama (of which I don't watch that many, really!)! :D But it's always good to relate what you watch and learn to the real life; isn't that what we are always taught to do? The PICTURE, the BIG PICTURE, girls!
One day, when I get a life, I shall tell you about what happens to me on a daily basis. (: Until then, I shall leave you to ponder about the big picture.
Gah!
Well it boils down to my newest guiding philosophy of life, that LIFE IS SIMPLE! But sometimes you meet the craziest and most impossible things that convinces you that, whoever made this world possible, definitely has more than one brain cell.
Actually yuhui does Remember! But it's somehow not in my inclination to blog about what happens daily, unless I feel odd that day. And, it has just suddenly struck me that there are inifinitely many more people in the world who can speak and write better than me, and I have no life whatsoever to speak off, so what's the point?
There are so many words in the world that I have never ever seen in my life! Do you know how entirely alarming it is to find that out one ordinary night, under the luminiscence of the table lamp and in the shadow of the visiting mosquito? VERY!
On another note, I find the aggressive scary, I think! Apparently ignoring doesn't pierce through thick skin! Perhaps boys are disillusioned that girls like aggressive boys too, hmm. No, I'm not talking about anyone I know - it's the newest chinese drama (of which I don't watch that many, really!)! :D But it's always good to relate what you watch and learn to the real life; isn't that what we are always taught to do? The PICTURE, the BIG PICTURE, girls!
One day, when I get a life, I shall tell you about what happens to me on a daily basis. (: Until then, I shall leave you to ponder about the big picture.
Vanilla Banana!
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Sunday, July 02, 2006
11:10 PM
c'est phenomenal!
c'est phenomenal!
It's starting over from the beginning again, then. I'd wanted to save all my blog entries and burn it into a cd in which I could read and laugh over in the future but I suppose that's not the best thing to do now.
But life is all about starting anew is it not! And so goes my line - YUHUI IS BACKKK! And this time, I have decided to take on the intellectual approach and wow everyone with my dry wit, satirical humour and impressive general knowledge :D though I sorely lack in all three areas BUT IT'S OKAY, it never hurts to try!
First things first, I, uh, need to improve on my vocabulary.
Of course, you have a part to play too. Because I understand that not everyone shares the brilliance I have (note, I understand, I do not empathise), your job is simple - while being awed by my wit and intellect, just... ignore the spelling errors!
:D
But life is all about starting anew is it not! And so goes my line - YUHUI IS BACKKK! And this time, I have decided to take on the intellectual approach and wow everyone with my dry wit, satirical humour and impressive general knowledge :D though I sorely lack in all three areas BUT IT'S OKAY, it never hurts to try!
First things first, I, uh, need to improve on my vocabulary.
Of course, you have a part to play too. Because I understand that not everyone shares the brilliance I have (note, I understand, I do not empathise), your job is simple - while being awed by my wit and intellect, just... ignore the spelling errors!
:D
Vanilla Banana!
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